Vaginas.
Yes.
Let’s have a little chat about this whole concept of ‘loose’ or ‘tight’ vaginas. How often have you heard that loose vaginas are a result of having too much sex, too many partners or essentially being “slutty”?
There are those who claim they can feel how many people you’ve had sex with once they’re inside you. Oh, we’ve heard it all. And I’m here to tell you what doctors know is the truth: your vagina is perfect! These old wives tales about vagina tightening began when factual information about vaginas and how they work was scarce.
Pair that with sexist attitudes and ta-duh, you’ve got yourself a myth that worries people about their vaginas decades later. Those very attitudes are the reason people with vaginas are told to treasure their virginities. We’re told that ‘losing’ that virginity comes with permanently losing your vaginal tightness.
More often than not, those very myths are the reason many people slutshame: “Oh, you’ve slept with how many people? You must be so loose down there.” Now imagine childbirth! It’s all downhill after that baby, because your vagina will forever be loose. Remember this: if a person is able to push out a whole baby out of their vagina and have it go back to being tight – and yes, it does go back to being tight – how could a simple penis or penetration device permanently alter the inner state of a vagina? It all sounds ridiculous, right? When you understand how vaginas work, it definitely is. So let’s discuss just that, shall we?
Natural Vagina Tightening
The vagina’s tissue is extremely elastic. It contracts and relaxes as it needs to. During sexual arousal, the vagina relaxes to allow for penetration and, more importantly, pleasure. However, the vagina being relaxed doesn’t make it loose. The vagina expands well enough to accommodate a finger or two easily and even more for anything larger, but it stays elastic and firm.
After sex, the vaginal muscles naturally contract and return to their tightly folded state:, no permanent stretching. The process of relaxing and tightening occurs every time a person with a vagina has sex, no matter the size of what they’re being penetrated by or how often they’re being penetrated. So the next time someone hints at the possibility of your vagina being loose because of too much sex or multiple partners, you can tell them to shut their mouths. On the other hand, if and when a vagina feels ”too tight” it’s most likely because there wasn’t enough time and effort put in to make sure it’s aroused enough to allow for relaxation and lubrication.
This is one of the reasons those with vaginas may complain about their first time having sex: because they weren’t able to relax enough for their walls to expand and for them to become lubricated. Another cause of vaginal ‘tightness’ and pain may be vaginismus, caused by clenching of the vaginal muscles (doctors may prescribe a vaginal dilation kit to help with this). Vaginal muscles are just like any other muscles: if you exercise them, they’ll be stronger and easier to control. Kegels are an exercise one can do by contracting and letting go of the muscles used to pee.
A great way to figure out where these muscles are is while you’re peeing. Interrupt the flow and then continue, interrupt, then continue again. Once you’ve identified the muscles you need to focus on to do Kegels, you can do it whenever you please. It is completely private and no one can see you do it – I’m doing it right now.
Contract, hold, let go, contract, hold, let go. Give it a try. By doing this you’re tightening your pelvic floor muscles and getting better control over them. This can also lead to much stronger orgasms. You can also use Kegel balls or Ben-Wa balls to do your Kegel exercises. There are many types available, from beginner-friendly to advanced. Insert them and walk around. If your pelvic floor muscles are weak, they may fall out easily, but constantly contracting those muscles strengthens them and you can hold them in for much longer.
No one with a vagina really needs to go above and beyond that to ensure that they and their partners enjoy the sex they’re having together. While there are websites literally dedicated to tightening your vagina, it’s a waste of money unless a gynaecologist advises you to investigate further. Should you ever be concerned needing vagina tightening, the best thing is to see a professional. In the meantime, do your Kegels!
