This is what we know about kinksters: unless you mix with kinky folk, you’re probably ignorant of how up close and personal they might be in your life. This is because kinksters are well aware of their differences and how people view them, so they are very guarded about revealing their identity.
In the South African kink world, you might meet folk who like being whipped bloody, some who dress up as dogs and run around in packs, and a few who are turned on by the idea of shrinking, but, we are told, they are generally community-minded and peace-loving people. Like your neighbour, your doctor, or your greengrocer.
Generally, you wouldn’t know a kinkster from a nun in a lineup because of their determination not to expose themselves to judgement and ostracisation.
They Are Not Replicas of Christian Grey
Never compare a kinkster with Christian Grey (50 Shades of Grey). Most are nothing like Mr Grey. For two reasons:- They're not kinky because of an awful past; they're kinky because they feel comfortable with their fantasies.
- They don’t believe in coercing others to have wild sex. Participants have to consent to kink of their own free will.
Enthusiastic and Informed Consent
Kinksters take their safety and reputations seriously, so consent is a must. You’re far less likely to be groped at a kink party than you are at the corner bar, and many kink events are alcohol-free, anyway. This is because they are serious about keeping things legit, and they admit that consent given under mood- and mind-altering substances is a slippery road.
You’ll Find More One-Night Stands on Tinder Than in the Kink Community
If you’re looking for a kinky partner, you’re far safer looking inside their community than on Tinder.
Some kinksters might fit your preconceived ideas of what one is, but many will surprise you. A lot are polyamorous, yes, but most are not madly promiscuous. Some are OTT kinky, but don’t even think of approaching them for casual hook-ups. They're looking for romance, not flings. Sure, the partner they choose will like BDSM, bondage and spanking, but they also like buying each other flowers and taking each other out. Just because they're kinky doesn’t mean they haven't read Cinderella.
They Have No Time for Abusers
BDSM is legal in South Africa, but getting outted for being labelled an Abuser is serious. A person can lose access to their kids, lose their job and be socially isolated. Kinksters know people are judgemental and often brutal, and this is why they have no time for perverts. Most ban known consent violators from events. Some caring kinksters even keep lists of abusers so they can warn newbies of those whom they should avoid. Many also have emergency safety tactics in case all goes wrong, and reference checks and safe calls are the norm with them, and they should be with you, too.
They’re a Family
Kinksters are socially conscious and open-minded people.
Because of their differences, they tend to be accepting of others and don't pretend to be something they’re not. The kink community is more family-oriented than a lot of people believe, and they look after those going through hard times.
Surprisingly, kink isn’t the exception; 'the norm. As the Journal of Sex Research found - one in six adults has a kink, and one in three have tried a fetish of some sort. That means in a restaurant of 180 diners, 30 are kinksters, and 60 have fetishes. Food for thought!
