So you’ve got a kinky fantasy and you’d love to share it with your partner, but you’re not sure where to start. You’ve tried leaving your copy of 50 Shades open at particular points but he shows no interest. Or you’ve casually mentioned you think 50 Shades isn’t quite on the money, but you’ve read this BDSM thing can really be quite fun, and he just grunted from behind the newspaper and took another sip of coffee. Try some of our tips for introducing the idea in a more enthusiastic way, and we think you’ll find it’s all a question of frame of mind.
Introducing Your Kinky Fantasy
Don’t talk dirty over breakfast, or in the car on the way to lunch with the in-laws. He’s sure to get flustered, and it’ll seem like it’s the topic that’s upsetting him. It’s far more likely he’s got some ideas of his own he’d like to try, but he’s can’t be thinking about them when he’s got an important meeting in half an hour.
Do talk. Tell him you’d like to share some fantasies with him. Reassure him that he doesn’t have to do every single thing you fantasize about, but maybe there’ll be something there that you’d both like to try. Talking about your fantasies to each other is sexy in and of itself, and is a great way to introduce some sexy new kinky fantasy ideas.
Do respect that he might just not be into it. Most partners are willing to try most things – within reason – at least once, but some things may just be a turn off for him. Make sure he understands that if you try it out and it really doesn’t do it for him, that’s ok.
Enacting Kinky Fantasy
Don’t change the game on him, unless you are sure he’ll get the idea. If Tuesday night is missionary position night, don’t suddenly throw him on the bed and start wielding a crop on his innocent butt. If you’ve shared a fantasy that you’d like to be in charge for a change, then set a time to try that out.
Do do your research. Even if 50 Shades is your favourite, and can be credited for getting your kinky fantasy going, it’s not by a long shot a good guide to BDSM practice. Basic BDSM isn’t hard to get right, but it’s worth taking a short time to find out how to do it. Plus, we guarantee that the best guides to BDSM and kinky fantasy will introduce you to some ideas you’d never thought of that you’ll likely love.
Do go slow. Be gentle with each other – emotionally if not always physically. If you’re new to all of this, then tying your partner down (or being tied) can be quite challenging. Try a blindfold to start, or just tying the wrists together rather than to an immovable object. Slow can be very sensual, too.
Do laugh. A lot of kinky play is about fantasies and fantasy worlds, and sometimes we feel very silly when acting them out. Especially if it’s a new experience and you’re worried about looking like a twit, you’ll both be hyper aware of being embarrassed. If you remember that this is actually meant to be fun, and it’s ok to laugh, it’ll make it much easier on both of you. We wish you many kinky nights of joy!
